Indian Sperm Bank Now Offers Caste-Labelled Sperm to Ease Infertility Anxiety

Mumbai: Setting a new benchmark in geographically-focused marketing strategy and customer satisfaction, leading Indian sperm bank, CryBanks, today announced a breakthrough service: caste-labelled donor sperm for childless couples concerned their baby might be born… out of caste.

“We conducted a survey in India on several barriers stopping childless couples from availing modern-day technologies such as IVF. The major barrier turned out to be uncertainty about the donor’s religion and caste. Hence we’re coming up with this new value-proposition, and establish our leading position in the market,” Vice President of CryBanks told Bluffallo.

“Just the thought of unknowingly raising a child who might be… ‘Dalit’ makes my head spin,” said Vivek Chaturvedi, a self-proclaimed devout Brahmin and potential customer, adding that, “I’m even requesting a sperm from the same Gotra, or how will I prove to Panditji at my child’s wedding that we’re all spiritually aligned?”

“They should mention sperm color too. I want the fairest sperm possible—I’m aiming for a baby who looks straight out of a fairness cream commercial,” added another hopeful parent, completely missing the point of genetics.

CryBanks confirmed they are working on an app update that lets users swipe right on donor profiles based on horoscope match, family name, and political ideology.